Break

I'd like to snap. Not break. I wouldn't recover if I broke again. I guess I would but not completely because I'm not even sure that I recovered this time. I'm not even sure if I can. I throughly believe I'm a fucked up kid because I've spent the majority of my adolescence fighting that fucked up kid that wants to hide in my clothes and go to sleep. I don't drink or smoke and I internalize lust like its my worst enemy. As if that's how you fight your own worst enemy when it's yourself. Don;t try it. You will wind up paralyzed like me. We are perceptions. We are the fists with bloody knuckles. We instigate, we all instigate.

When I awake I am going to explain that my past wasn't my past and people aren't going to understand, just like they won't understand this. Simply put I'm sick of my indolence. I'm sick of the anger I place on other when I don't want to do what I should be doing because I'm the responsible one. I hate leadership because everyone wants to be led but they don't know how to be led or how to look up to a leader with stubborn cloudy eyes. I hate leadership because people are too opinionated, especially the lazy ones who don't even know that being a lazy ass is about as opinionated as it gets. And I'm not a good leader. I know what it takes but I never want to give it cause I'm just to busy...but with what? That is the one question that I'd like to answer because then I'd snap.