wake up to live please

I feel like for the last week or so I have been in a total daze. I think it's the fact that I have a girlfriend. The fact that in my free time i am usually with her. The fact that this all I want and that always is never enough. I have never had a girlfriend. And so I start to doubt myself. I must be naive. I know nothing about what it takes or what it means to have a girlfriend. All I know is that I love her, that I constantly long to have her at my side. I know people would give me shit if they knew I told her that I loved her. After two weeks. Fuck. Then I think about the future and how if we really end up staying together...i mean really staying together how cute that would be, the fact that i knew from the outset, that maybe I'm really not that naive, because i really feel this. Through and through.

The other thing is that I want to wake up. I am a gift of purity. I thought that was the key. Now i think I need to do more fasting and make more sacrifices. To offer them to God and to take control of myself.

I always think about the concept of being a soldier for Christ these days. About how its a different type of soldier. A more powerful soldier that finds his strength in his weakness, in his completely commitment and servitude to Christ.

I want to write more on both of these things, but i am tired. going to bed. hopefully tomorrow...