The beginning, The essentials.

On the freeway you don't pay attention to detail. You may be passively paying attention to those fluorescent green signs with white writing so as not to miss your exit or transfer but that's about it. We all move so god damn fast in this state, at least as fast as our homes appreciate, and though this generality is widening its influence to the rest of the continental U.S., California is its wayward pioneer.

The pace we keep is demanding. We worry about too much, we spend too much, and we want to much. And almost always about or for ourselves. We buy to impress and we end up depressed. We wonder why our son turned to drugs and why our bestfriends all come from broken homes. We are never satisfied because we are accustomed to believing that satisfaction is found in the material realm. The irony is that not only is satifaction not found there but materialism is a paradox. The more you have the more you want. Yet we still play into this perversion of the American dream everyday. I wish we would all just wake up.

We really are in a dream like state. Though I'd say its more like a nightmare and even more like a coma. The problem is that we go so fast that everything blurs around us. We don't really remember what happened three days ago, not because it wasn't important but because we didn't pay attention, we were going to fast. Every moment we are awake we are thinking of what's next. We wake up and we think of the shower. We shower and we think of the oatmeal we will prepare for breakfast. We eat breakfast and we dread the office. We get to the office and worry about the mortgage and though it's only monday we are already longing for the weekend. We rush everything, even our thoughts and especially our day. Most of the time we don't even know we are doing it, and that's because it's become a habit. If we could only slow it down we mumble, life goes so fast we stumble, exhausted. And yet we are the ones with our finger firmly planted on the FF >> button.

It has all become a routine. We know nothing else but this fast paced life. We don't realize that its speed has made us complacent, that it has made us forget that everyday is unique and that existence is significant. Actually, it's much worse. We are prisoners to the complacency that comes with the routine. We don't even know that it's possible to slow down that life is meant to be savored.

This all needs to be elaborated upon. I have this blog as place for me to make sense of what goes through my head on a daily basis. It desperately needed a place to metastasise. To become something of worth. My head just seems to lose most of it. I figure if I write it all down it can be an ongoing project. The more I collect my thoughts the more sense they make. In my head they just mash together and then fall out and sometimes even back in. This blog gives me control, and I desperately needed it.

(don't forget: "our position, our insignificance, time")

for my profile.

Mantra

I'm sick. Head cold and down for the count. Don't have the energy to write today. Old post from livejournal.

"You know what I think? I think that you have roughly 90 years to live, discounting some fatal accident or disease, and I think that time is a constant and that everyday, whether you're working or having a crappy day or having a great one, is meant to be lived...not just acknowledged but absorbed. So maybe you don't enjoy inputting data into a computer or butchering meat or waking up at 4:30 AM to commute 2 hours and be at work by 7:00 (understand there is a half hour cushion for traffic) but gosh dang it enjoy the ride. Suck it up. Roll down your freaking window for a second and think about what it means to be alive as you breathe in the morning air. Think about the fact that you even got the chance to live. Because maybe just maybe you're lucky to even have been given the opportunity. It's the greatest gift. Live."

note to self: life=fluidity, life is short=is that all you got?

Human Life

It figures this would be my first written post.

The taking of the first human life had to have been profound. I wonder if there were witnesses. Mostly, I wonder if they were shocked at what they had seen, and if their shock stemmed from their realization that one could rob another of existence.

Bed time.

Best day of my life.

oh andy.